We at The Screenwriters Group have such an enjoyable time judging the Page One Contest that we've decided
this year to share three finalists with you, as well as the winner. After you read the year's winner, please continue
to scroll down and see the others. I hope you enjoy them as much as we did.
THE WINNER OF THE PAGE ONE SCREENWRITING CONTEST FOR 2005 IS:
Brian McDonald of Seattle Wahington
OPEN ON:
A single wisp of white smoke rises through an otherwise black
frame like a spirit departing a body. Slowly it twists,
sways and undulates in an ethereal dance.Distant voices grow louder and more distinct, but can't be
made out. A LARGE GNARLED HAND moves through the smoke and
dissipates it.THE GNARLED HAND holds the cigarette that is the source of
the smoke. The hand gestures as its owner speaks in a gravelly
voice.............GNARLED HAND
Got killed by a bear once. Hurt like
hell.Various body parts such as hands, eyes, and lips are seen as
each man speaks.............BONY HANDS
Shark ate me once. Punch him in the
nose my ass.They all laugh.
............MISSING TEETH
Last time -- I think it was last
time. No. No, last time I had a
heart attack. Time before that I
was hit by a train.............BONY HANDS
How was that?............MISSING TEETH
I don't recommend it.More laughter.
............BLOODSHOOT EYES
A train ain't shit. Shit, I been
hit by a train. Talkin' about a
train. Please. Train goes fast,
don't really hurt. You know what'll
put a hurtin' on your ass -- I got
trampled by a whatchamacallit, not
an elephant -- you know them hairy-
ass motherfuckers --............BONY HANDS
A mammoth. Yeah, those things'll
kill the shit outta ya.Some laugh in agreement.
.....................* * * * * * * * *
THE NEXT THREE WERE THE FINALISTS AND ALL CLOSE SECONDS.
AS YOU'LL SEE, IT'S HARD TO CHOOSE:Writer: Christopher Canole of LaJolla CA
FADE IN:
EXT. VIETNAM JUNGLE -- DAY
1969. VINCENT stands under a giant palm for shelter from a light
rain. He reaches into his army fatigue jacket, pulls out
his collegiate sweat-stained leather fencing gauntlet, looks
at the letter, UCB, on the cuff and slips the glove onto
his hand. He pokes a finger through a hole in the back where
an epee tore through. His SERGEANT approaches. Vincent raises
his rifle to his chin, snaps the gun down to his side the
same way he did as a fencer before a duel.............VINCENT
What draws you out Sergeant?............SERGEANT
Cut the crap Vincent. Salute me as
your superior, not some ivy league
frat rat.A patrol of American soldiers wade in waist deep swamp water
just fifty yards away. The rain muffles the sound of their
movement from Vincent and the Sergeant. Suddenly a lightning
bolt shatters the stillness. A soldier panics and spins
like a tornado spraying bullets everywhere.Vincent shudders, looks down, lifts his gloved hand, presses
it to his chest where the American bullet entered his heart,
pulls it away to see his blood mixing with the rain, sweat
and mud in his palm.............VINCENT
Touche.INT. UC BERKELEY FENCING STUDIO -- DAY
MONTHS LATER. Twenty four white clad FENCERS, like a chess board,
twelve kneel like pawns and the back row stand royally. In unison
the fencers raise their swords and salute. From the shadows
a tall gentleman, COACH MONTE, sporting a goatee, wearing an
all black fencing uniform, approaches the fencers, and a boy, LUKE,
staring through an open window.............COACH MONTE
I'm Ray Monte coach of this fine
fraternity of fencers. We welcome you
to the Berkeley Fencing Team tryouts
for our pre-season tournament Saturday.The fencers remove their masks. Luke scans the room and sees,
reflected in the mirrors, the SPECTATORS sitting in front of
him. A dozen 60s students dressed in brightly colored clothing
reflect the fashion trends from all eras of history......................* * * * * * * * *
THE NEXT FINALIST WAS WRITTEN BY:
Richard F. Ferrell of Redwood City CA
FADE IN:
INT. BEVERLY HILLS OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
The screenwriter's AGENT talking into his headset exits
the glass and steel elevator, door closing behind him
with a WHOOSH.............AGENT
We've been over this before, Mike.
My client gets the points at
both ends. Look, got to run. We'll
touch bases later tonight after your
AA meeting. Seems like everyone in
this town is saddled with a drinking
problem. Sorry friend. Bye bye.The Agent reaches for the sunglasses before stepping from
the atrium, through the revolving door, out into that
orange late afternoon sunshine.EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY
The Agent retreats into the back seat of the limo.
............AGENT
Flames of hell. How long is this
drought going to last this time?............CHAUFFEUR
Your sunscreen and lip balm are in the
center armrest.The Agent is talking into the headset as the limo pulls
away from the curb onto Wilshire Boulveard.INT. LIMO - SUNSET
Car snaking its way through the twists and turns. Only a
smudge of sunlight traces the horizon along the foothills
above Mulhulland Drive.The Agent sighs as he removes the sunglasses.
............AGENT
Okay, Ivan.The Chauffeur presses a button and the sunroof slides
back.The Agent leans back and looks up through the opening at
the first evening stars. He smiles revealing his fangs......................* * * * * * * * *
HERE'S ANOTHER PAGE THAT MADE THE FINALS, WRITTEN BY:
Paula J. Randall of Phenix City AL
FADE IN:
INT. GRAND CENTRAL STARTION - DAY
SUPERIMPOSE: New York City 1932
MAE'S POV
Bustling sound of trains and passengers. MAE walks
seductively. As she walks by, men turn around and gawk
approvingly, some smiling, tipping their hats, and women
cast disapproving glances, shielding their children from
the sight of her.MAE
Dressed in very high heels and a tight dress with a low
neckline, Mae is a sexy 5-foot-tall, 40 year old platinum
blonde with an ample bosom. She stops and turns her head and
smiles. She looks down at DANNY, a playful 8 year old boy
smiling up at her.............MAE
Well, hello, little man. What's your
name?............DANNY
Danny.............MAE
You sure are cute.............DANNY
You're the most beautiful lady
I've ever seen.............MAE
No one's ever called me that
before.............DANNY
Beautiful?............MAE
No. A lady.Mae gives Danny a big smile and he giggles.
.....................* * * * * * * * *